Thursday, 27 May 2010

"Why Are You Wearing That Stupid Man Suit?"

The One Where Jake Became Buff

Hmmmm.... Video games to movies. Never quite worked, has it?

I'm not going to defend all examples of them, because some are terrible in their own right. As a gamer, though, I resent that a movie is immediately downgraded just for being linked to a game.

Before the movie I got adverts for Persia Lego... does that mean it's average Lego because of that - and that none of the cool kids will be playing in the school playground with it, because it's based on Lego? I know no one ever takes Lego to school, but run with it.

Brokeback, Jar Head and Zodiac made me a Jake fan for life. Throw Donnie Darko in there, and you have a seriously talented guy. With a hot sister. I love the idea of an alternate universe where he was Peter Parker. That would have been brilliant. As it is those, his slow burning career (DD is TEN next year. Jesus. R.I.P Swayze), finally gives him a leading role, in a summer blockbuster.

And I genuinely challenge anyone to say he doesn't deliver. The humour in the film had me smirking through out, and his banter with Gemma Arterton is sharp. As an action hero too, he nails it. He beefed up for this, and just looks solid.  I never once thought of him as geeky Donnie, who can barely lift the axe to burst the water main.

It's action packed, too. Wall to wall. Set piece to set piece. It's not normally my thing, but the lead relationship made it worth sticking with. I kept getting flashbacks to The Mummy, which I love. Even Pygmy zombies and The Rock cant tarnish the original.

For the second time in a few weeks a Hollywood star is getting stick for his "English" accent. It never jars, though. He lives in Persia. To me, it sounds like an Englishman that has lived in Persia, for an age. So job done. Stop bitching.

The CGI is class, overall. The knife itself, which can allow the holder to travel back in time for one minute, works far better than I thought it would. It's used as a gimmick in every way you would expect, and I guessed the end five minutes in... but a question. When was the last time you were actually surprised by a death in a movie? And when was the last time you surprised by one on the second viewing? It's next to never for me, so I don't get the criticism that there is no tension watching this, as if anyone dies... the knife takes us back to save them. That's the point. Say what you want about the best films out there, they're lacking in tension, too. Will Smith in a movie? He'll live. I Am Legend is a great example of that. Watch the deleted scenes. Sop no tension, then... why watch?

Mike Newell is serviceable enough. The slow mo was a bit over the top, but we're not talking John Woo, here - so no need to panic. The use of zooming in on objects that are going to be used was a homage to the game, and worked overall, but was a little overused. He made Donnie Brasco though, so I'll cut him some slack.

Talking of Depp, and for what it's worth, I easily enjoyed this as much as Pirates. And that makes it infinitely better than Dead Mans Chest and Worlds End, in my opinion. Bluey purchase for sure.

Movies By Numbers:
Pirates - Johnny Depps showing off x Back to the Future / Jakes Pecs x Gemma Artertons beautiful pair of eyes % The Mummy - A PS3 duel shock = Prince of Persia: Sands of Time.

Worth a look. And before I go, three deaths that genuinely shocked me, and that I didn't see coming. And that still shock me, now. Semi spoilers, with the film titles - but you'll need to see the films, to see who I mean.

Haha. And the original of this one, too...

God I hope Gemma Arteton isn't as classy as she looks.

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