Monday, 25 October 2010

The One Where WS2 Is Guilty, But Valhalla Rising Is The Real Criminal!

My God. Where to start?

JMcG and I did rival posts on Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps. A lot of people read those, and yet didn't vote.

I'd normally go off on a foul mouthed tirade about that, except Valhalla Rising, which I had wanted to see for an age, is actually terrible.

Like so disappointingly bad, I feel that it's put Wall Street 2 in perspective.

This is not me apologising, JMcG.

I can do arty films. I quite like them.

But this was total, utter tosh.

Mads Mickleson (the one who smacks Daniel Craigs balls in Casino Royale), is a mute. I should have known that would have it's problems.

I don't really know where to start.

The first fifteen minutes have no dialogue, and endless fights, for money, between prisoners.

Mads, our Hero, bashes someones head in. Then bashes it in again, and again.

It's quite violent.

The blood is that CGI stuff. It's quite interesting because the whole palette is so dirty, that the blood looks comical. Even when Mads or One-Eye *snigger* is cutting peoples heads off.

He even guts someone, and pulls all the insides out. (Hmmm... That gives me an idea.)

Strange thing is, it wasn't the violence that put me off. As I say, it's done so comically with the blood. It reminded me of Zatoichi. Seen that? Thought not. Love Film that, instead.

I just felt soulless watching it. Like it was meant for art students. Not the nice kind. The sort that you'd try and avoid.

The thing is, I really like films like this normally.

I'm not sure if it's because I had the new Blu Ray of Exorcist staring right back at me. (I went to ASDA to get Brooklyns Finest. They were sold out (??), so acting all macho, I got The Exorcist instead. Thing is, I'm home alone until Monday night. So it's sat there. Staring at me. With subliminal shots of that stupid white face, that's haunted me for years.)


Valhalla Rising is shite. I'd still like someone to check it out though, so we can talk about it, OK?


It's been a while since I've done a Love Film review. That's because Mrs T had about five in a row.

Nothing of note except Dear John, which I quite liked.

I never though I'd ever want to see that again. But put both of these in front of me again, there's only one winner.

I've been thinking about what I'd like to do to take revenge on this film... Oh wait... I've got it...

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