I had to see Machete off my own back, which is possibly my most disappointing Cineworld moment, so far.
Still you can't win 'em all.
And Machete wins.
But he don't text.
You should really know what you're getting from a film like this.
It's by Robert Rodriguez, for a start.
Who knew that ten odd years later, From Dusk Til Dawn would be one of his more subtle films to date?
But I love him. Faults and all. Although his stamp is all over Predators, you have to wonder what would have happened if he had actually directed.
Instead, he turned his Grindhouse trailer into a full film.
And, for the most part, it works.
There's some fat, and that will drag things down a bit - but overall, it's one of the more enjoyable films of the year.
When Machete uses a goons intestines as a rope, to grapple down a few floors out of a building, you'll know if you're in for the long haul.
It's stupid. Pure mayhem.
A bit like a trailer stretched out to a full film should be.
It's mentally violent. By the end, when Steven Seagal (!), starts wielding a samurai sword, you'll think it's all been a crazy, acid induced dream.
As I mentioned, some bits sag. But it's all played for laughs, so don't take it too seriously. Plus it has DeNiro back on the big screen, so what's not to love.
Don't talk to me about Stone, with Ed Norton. I may have seen it, but the UK cinema scene is so pathetic the gap between here and the States is laughable. And I don't want to get arrested.
He's got some stick for Machete. Again, I think people are taking it too seriously.
Cheech Marin wipes out a church full of goons with dual wielding shotguns, for gods sake.
Plus Lindsey Lohan plays a Nun.
But no, MC, it's not her naked in the hot tub.
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